05/18/04 8PM
well college is finally over. i didn't get the girl, i didn't find a career, i didn't make any friends, and i sure as hell didn't learn anything useful. for better or for worse, i'm a different person than i was four years ago. was it worth twenty grand in loans? not really. but here i sit, on the verge of the rest of my life. daunting? perhaps. but i'll live fast and die young. and i'll see you all on the other side.
the end.
05/18/04 12PM
if you want to know about my new blog, you'll just have to ask me.
05/16/04 2PM
my computer is dead again. just like all the women in my life.
05/14/04 1AM
its a tradition, you see ... the night before my finals, instead of studying, i write random crap just for the hell of it. and so here i am.
i gotta get out of this town, and away from these people. its time to start a new. i need a haircut, and i need a motorcycle. women are nothing but trouble, but a life lacking in trouble can sure get boring.
lunch anyone?
05/13/04 1AM
after my last final, i'm retiring this old website. i may start a new one, but i won't tell you where ...
where's my favorite haastitute?
05/12/04 2AM
why hast thou forsaken me? like a moth drawn to the open flame, i am inexplicably marching towards a final i am sure to fail. and what is my mood throughout all of this? listen to "hunting bears" by radiohead and you will see.
05/11/04 12PM
see if you can follow me on this train wreck of an idea:
i've grown weary of getting angry every time i see a dorky white guy and a good looking asian girl. perhaps its time i dropped all pretenses and accept that i'm jealous. jealous of the fact that if i looked just a little whiter, i'd get a much different reaction from all these girls (even if i stayed at my current level of "beauty" - and i'm using the term very loosely here). frankly, i need to get away from berkeley and all of its asian girls as soon as possible.
05/11/04 1AM
coworker: dude you gotta cover for me tomorrow morning.
neama: there's nothing you can say that would make me cover for you.
coworker: my house burned down.
neama: fine i'll cover for you.
05/09/04 1AM
i've got nothing to say. at least not to you.
why don't you take a pause from life, slow down, and come and sit with me? we can watch the sun set on the bay, or we could talk about anything you want. god knows i miss our simple conversations.
05/06/04 12AM
"so if you're lonely
you know i'm here waiting for you
i'm just a crosshair
i'm just a shot away from you
and if you leave here
you leave me broken, shattered i lie
i'm just a crosshair
i'm just a shot then we can die ..."
05/05/04 1AM
i'm trying to sleep, but i have a troubled mind. so instead i sit here in the dark and type away, while listening to vast.
"i'll never find someone quite as touched as you,
i'll never love someone quite the way that i loved you."
this year has come to an end, and i feel like my life has little direction. i've always been jaded about life itself ... i really wouldn't mind falling off the face of the earth tomorrow. i just think i've been working too hard without any break. i'd really like to take a month or two off, and go visit the wilderness in alaska, or backpack through africa, or swim in the oceans of the world. but alas, i have no such luxuries ... sadly i'm cursed to be the oldest son, and with that comes much responsibility. sometimes i wish i could win a big poker tourney just so i could pay my parents mortgage and set them up for an early retirement. then i could wander off into my own life without a care in the world.
ramble young buck, ramble. ugh, i hate myself when i'm depressed. i need a smiling girl to cheer me up.
05/04/04 12AM
we're all looking for a star to call our own.
if anyone else asks me to fix a laptop, i'm going to snap.
05/02/04 10PM
for some reason, i'm really sad right now.
road trip to somewhere, sometime. anyone?
05/02/04 4PM
going to someone's birthday dinner is nice, except when you've got food poisoning from lunch that day.
04/29/04 9PM
smog will be the end of me.
should i move to los angeles or should i stay here? you can vote by ... well you can't vote.
live fast, die young.
04/28/04 11PM
my computer is back from the dead and that makes me happy.
who could have thought a simple glance would haunt me like this?
stop reading this site.
04/26/04 10PM
my computer is still mia. the video card should get here sometime midweek.
my friend ricky took 4th place at the world poker tour championship event.
its like a drug, you see, and i've avoided it for a long time. but today i had a relapse ... but the will is strong, and so i say on to graduation. i'll see you in the dusty pages of memories past. save the pity for those drowning in melancholy.
04/22/04 11AM
my video card died on me. that'll cost me $165.
04/18/04 2AM
its called puppy dog love. when you're so tired of being alone that you fall in love with every girl you see. i hate it, but i suffer from it. the cure, you ask? there are a few ... some drastic, some mundane ... but the most appealing would be a girl who shows an interest in me (surprisingly, such was true for most of 2003).
04/15/04 12AM
"she's changed." that is what i heard today. who would have thought the fall from grace of someone else would bring me solace? i guess its all in the eye of the beholder, but this beholder is tired of looking.
i like pink lemonade. it makes me shiver in a good way. i like the way kristin kreuk's nose crinkles when she smiles.
04/13/04 7PM
i came to college hoping to find my own winnie cooper ... what the hell happened?
04/13/04 5PM
am i the only one who skips class because he doesn't want to see someone? or better yet, someone whom his heart wants to see, but his brain refuses?
04/13/04 12AM
i've got two job offers: teach/coach in los angeles, or stay at haas. here are the pros and cons of each job. perhaps my readers could help me decide (oh wait, this is a no comments site. hah!):
| pros | cons | |
| teaching/coaching |
|
|
| haas |
|
|
frankly if i can get a decent teaching job with a good coach, i'd have to jump at it. otherwise i'd consider the haas job as a temporary way of accumulating some money so i can go to grad school or something.
04/11/04 10PM
i'm a very goal oriented person. when i don't have a goal to achieve, i get depressed. right now, i'm deciding what goals i should adopt for my future. here are the candidates:
help my parents gain solid financial ground
pursue a football coaching job
die young, in a blaze of glory
sculpt my body into a chiseled masterpiece
start a family
frankly i don't know what to do.
quote of the day (from me): "the problem with something that is statistically impossible is that it can happen. and in all likelihood, it will happen to me."
04/09/04 11AM
i wish i had a cowboy hat. then i could tip it and and say "ma'am" when all the pretty girls walked by.
yes, i realize my ideal life describes the 19th century, but you don't get to choose when you are born.
04/09/04 2AM
when i graduate, i can do two things with this website. i could either call it a day and end it, or i could move it to some standard blogging site. what do you, my misguided reader, have to say about this?
04/08/04 3AM
maybe its the annoying cold that only seems to be affecting the right side of my face, or maybe its the instrumental version of "man of constant sorrow" i'm listening to in the dark ...
... i feel a sadness rolling over me, like the fog rolling over the golden gate. it isn't depression, nor is it a mood swing, but a genuine lack of happiness that comes from the pit of your soul. i'd saddened by me, and i'm saddened by you. i miss your smile, and i miss my youth. i long for the sun i never knew, and the rain i never heard. i want to run on the beaches i've never seen, and jump into the lakes i've never felt. i want to live before i die. i want to see you smile one last time.
open a window into my soul, but don't ask ... even i don't know.
(there is no girl, and there is no truth to anything i write. this is all just the manifestation of the creativity i never use in life.)
04/08/04 12AM
i need to move away to some place where there are no asian women ... at least for a few years ... just to clear my mind.
04/07/04 12AM
the assistant coach at usc wants to talk to me.
me: i'm tired of dating.
girl: you've never been on a date!
me: shhh!
04/06/04 12AM
the bottom fell off of my mug (only the bottom, the rest was unaffected). now i need a new one. will you buy me one?
"televators" - the mars volta ... i have no idea what the song means, but they sure sing it beatifully.
04/04/04 4AM
i wont be this giddy about the date until may fifth next year.
04/04/04 3AM
i never wanted poker to bleed into this site, but i have to vent to somewhere. everyone is always hating on phil helmuth. well i think the man has a point. when you're a 93% favorite on the flop and the guy has the audacity to call and hit a runner runner flush, and when he does it to you five times in one night, i think you have the right to go a little crazy and pout about it. personally, i am almost always the favorite when the money goes in. but you better believe the other guy will catch the one and only card that will destroy me. i'm still up 30 fold, but it bothers me when mr. guppy causes me to lose $100 in river beats in one night. of course a wiser man would say, "well then shouldn't you have a hobby where chance does not play any part in the outcome?" ... perhaps. but just as in life, if all the outcomes were predetermined, it wouldn't be any fun.
04/03/04 8PM
in the past, some people have claimed that i have an asian fetish. by definition, a fetish is an unnatural sexual attraction to some object. so to these people, my preference for asian women is not a natural thing ... presumably because i'm supposed to attracted to my own ethnicity. i think this reflects more on the attitudes of these people than on me personally.
of course, being attracted to asian girls does have its own baggage. specifically, most asian girls also have a preference when it comes to men, namely either white or asian males. and therein lies the paradox.
all this brings me to the point i'm trying to make (which has nothing to do with any of this). the first time i saw the singer dido, i found her attractive in a peculiar way. only recently did i realize she kind of looks like the girl who lived across the street from me in iran (the same girl who has been spotted in my dreams, usually messing with my brain) ... once again proving that my preference for a girl usually arises from either associating their appearance with a girl i've known beforehand, or in rarer instances, from spending a long time with them (thereby adding their appearance to my "database" for liking how someone looks).
04/03/04 1AM
the simplest of actions bring me the greatest joy. what they are, no one will ever know.
(pardon the rhyming, i'm sitting in a dark room listening to music ... that's my equivalent of alcohol)
04/02/04 10PM
sometimes life feels like its getting out of reach, then you remember you're an inanimate object.
04/02/04 12AM
i need a break from it all.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
04/01/04 5PM
i saw way too much cleavage today at work. way too much. on an asian girl none the less. very distracting. and very tanned.
04/01/04 2AM
i need to stop playing poker. i can feel heart palpitations from the stress, and sometimes i think i'm gonna have a heart attack (and that's not a good thing with the history of heart disease in my family).
i need to april fool's someone today. preferably something that will leave us all embarrassed and ashamed.
03/30/04 5PM
my brain has the uncanny ability to remember every embarrassing situation i've ever experienced.
the next few months are going to be interesting. long story short, i'll be deciding what to do with the next few years of my life.
03/28/04 11PM
i want to go on a long rant about women, relationships, and marriage, but i'm just not in the mood.
all day tomorrow, when people ask "did you get a haircut?", i'll touch my hair and say "oh my god, where did all my hair go?" ... yes, i find myself hilarious.
03/26/04 11PM
had a nice conversation with a friend today. the highlight was when he asked me what was an ideal life to me:
i have a coaching job in a small college in the pacific northwest. i have a wife who's smart and has her own job. i'm sitting in my bonsai garden watching the sun set on the puget sound while my wife is resting her head on my chest. that right there is perfection.
03/26/04 12AM
i'm back from canada. i cut my hair, and i have to admit, this is probably the best i've ever looked.
03/20/04 3AM
i think i'm gonna end this website when i graduate. this thing was a diary gone horribly wrong, and four years of nonsense is about enough.
i'm getting giddy about my hair cut. i'll look normal for the first time ever ... now if only i could get me a nose job, then i'd be an international playboy.
i have a flight tomorrow morning. why exactly am i up right now? you can only watch the show wings at this hour of the night.
i have a serious case of multiple personalities. but thankfully all my other personalities are usually latent. of course, there's nothing more interesting than watching me argue with myself in two different personalities. pure comic genius.
i hope my plane crashes tomorrow. preferably with me surviving to tell a great story about it.
03/19/04 2PM
this website sure is a whiny little runt. why am i updating this thing when i have a midterm in an hour?
03/18/04 11PM
god is mocking me. at least we're all laughing about something.
03/18/04 4PM
i'm gonna make a shirt that says "the census counts me as white, you snow queens!" do i sound bitter? well pardon me for growing weary of shallow women and shallower men. i was never meant to function in this quaint society of ours.
spring break is upon us, and so is my haircut. but lets get one thing straight ... i'm doing this for my job prospects. any girl who would treat me differently based on my appearance is no friend of mine.
i haven't been in this bad a mental state in a long time. *grins*
03/18/04 1AM
quote of the day: "ever meet someone that just kept your thoughts hopping? made you aware of your own awareness?"
03/17/07 11PM
happy saint patrick's day ... maybe this four leaf clover will bring me luck?
anyone want to go on a date? let me know before i graduate.
03/16/04 12AM
sometimes it feels like i've spent my whole life waiting. waiting for this, waiting for that ... just waiting. and surprisingly not, i'm still waiting.
03/15/04 2PM
love is a funny thing. it causes so many problems for so many people (the music industry can attest to that). so it begs the question, why do we search for it with such reckless abandon?
i think love's unpredictability is actually what makes it so great. there's something to be said about the thrill of the chase, the way your heart flutters when you take the chance. perhaps the pain of rejection makes the joy of success that much more intense.
you know, i sit here and pontificate on all these topics, yet the truth is i don't know squat. hell, i haven't even been on a date yet in college ... but it isn't for a lack of trying. well i have two month to break that streak. but then again, i'm a happy single. and i'm really not the dating type (unlike the godless heathens i'm keeping my pants on until marriage ... well at this point i should say until marriage or death, whichever comes first).
i talk to much. *smiles*
03/13/04 1AM
random words in the dark:
cautiously optimistic
restless
happy
scared
smug
devoid of thought
uncertain
smiling
03/12/04 8PM
only in dreams
03/11/04 11PM
i used to write poetry, i used to record music ...
... now i scribble verses on scraps i throw away, and sing my songs to empty hallways.
03/10/04 8PM
this is how i feel:
take my breath away
3/08/04 11PM
i took one of those personality tests, and apparently i'm a slow dancer. well that's just great, i'm dying a virgin.
03/08/04 2PM
i hate the sun, i hate the heat, i hate the half naked women.
what do i like? laying on the grass, underneath a tree, nearby a creek, in a field without anyone else around. well maybe one other person.
03/06/04 6PM
always be on the lookout for the person that makes you want to be a better human being. the one who makes you do things you'd never do on your own, and opens doors you've never even thought about opening. the girl who makes you smile about life ...
03/02/04 5PM
i'm cutting my hair when spring break comes along. there's a time and place for crazy hair, and its called college.
there's a spider living in my bathroom (again). he's a nice pet, and he eats any stray insects that might otherwise bother me.
a girl giving me advice about women:
girl: so either you're going for the wrong girls
girl: or you need to be queer eyed
03/01/04 2AM
we're all chasing the kimmy in our lives, while jessie waits for us to come around (go watch "undergrads", then you'll get what i'm saying).
02/29/04 11PM
happy leap day. see you all in four years.
02/29/04 3PM
humans are by nature social creatures. and thus, my brain keeps trying to trick me into being more social. but i'm smarter than that, and my standards are way too high. (yes, i know arguing with myself is a clear sign of a psychological disorder, but i think we all knew i was crazy anyways.)
02/28/04 8PM
i used to like girls with high voices. now i think they're annoying as hell. go figure.
02/27/04 1PM
quote of the day:
"time passes in moments ... moments which, rushing past define the path of a life just as surely as they lead towards its end. how rarely do we stop to examine that path, to see the reasons why all things happen, to consider whether the path we take in life is our own making or simply one into which we drift with eyes closed. but what if we could stop, pause to take stock of each precious moment before it passes? might we then see the endless forks in the road that have shaped a life? and, seeing those choices, choose another path?"
02/26/04 8PM
life is beautiful, but sometimes you've got to slow down to see it.
i need to get away from the hassle of city life. i need to forget your smile.
02/26/04 12AM
liberty looked better with longer hair. but then again, who am i to judge?
i've stopped talking to everyone i knew freshman year. i've never been a fan of the past, so bring on the future.
02/24/04 11PM
stop reading this website.
there's something egotistical in listening to your own music, when you have 10,000 other songs to choose from.
02/23/04 11PM
i've got a midterm tomorrow, so instead i'm updating this thing.
what do i look for in a woman? well she's gotta be decent looking, nothing spectacular, but nothing too freaky. she has to be smart, because if i can't talk to her, then there's no point. personality wise, i usually prefer someone who's self motivated, hard working, and optimistic (opposites attract). a nice smile and deep eyes, preferably with long hair. a brunette. doesn't have to be asian, but that's the theme of the day. doesn't have to be athletic, but she should take care of herself. and last but not least, she needs to have morals. and what about the rest? don't care about breast size, glasses, height, or job prospects.
of course with every girl i've ever known, the deal breaker was the fact that she had to spend time with me. but i've still got a lifetime before my time is up. and one of these days, one of these girls won't be busy.
02/21/04 7PM
finally, i get to carry pain killers in my backpack.
life is an odd thing. when you finally get the nerve to swing at the ball, the league disbands.
women. my standards are too high. smarts, personality, moral character, beautiful smile. but i don't think my requirement of "she has to talk to me" is unreasonable.
02/19/04 10PM
start with $50. add 50 days. get $1000. now its on to the world series of poker.
02/19/04 9PM
for two days in a row now, i've had crippling pain in my right side every morning. the doctor says we'll have to wait and see. i say god is making me die a slow and cruel death. good times.
02/18/04 1AM
i had an epiphany the other day. a long time ago, i asked the rhetorical question, "what would i have to offer a girl that other men can't offer her?" well now i know the answer: i can make her happy.
02/16/04 3PM
"you're an exception to the rule
you're a bona fide rarity
you're all I ever wanted
southern girl, could you want me?"
02/16/04 3AM
drip drop. tick tock. the rain hits the windows with abandon, as i sit here watching the clock spin endlessly. i try to forget it all, but memories die hard. knock knock. i get up and open the door, flooding the room with light. and when i can see past it all, there you are, standing alone, smiling at me. i laugh to myself, knowing it isn't real. i close the door, again filling the room with darkness. the clock is still spinning, and the rain is still pouring. tick tock. drip drop.
02/16/04 12AM
happy president's day. watch out for the flooding.
i'm getting sick and tired of this jaded old website. i was gonna write something about life and relationships, but i figured why bother? its all just the same rants over and over. i'm thinking of taking this website down permanently.
02/13/04 8PM
friday the 13th and valentine's day all rolled into one.
if i ever claim to understand women, please grab a bat and beat me senseless. but truthfully, i wouldn't want it any other way.
02/12/04 10PM
we're all dying on the inside in our own special way, it pains me to see the anguish on your face.
life is too short to waste on petty jealousy, intolerable cruelty, and broken promises.
god is mocking me *smiles*. i'm the happiest person you will you will never meet.
02/11/04 7PM
they keep saying i've lost weight. i keep saying its because of my patented starvation/disease dual diet.
02/09/04 11PM
when life knocks you to the ground, pick yourself up, and dust yourself off.
whenever i "grow" a beard, it usually means something. there have been midterm beards, final beards, and vacation beards. but my favorite is definitely the "i have bronchitis" beard.
02/08/04 9PM
tragically uncertain.
i've lost so much weight that my pants keep sliding down.
don't get blinded by the light at the end of the tunnel. its not the light you're chasing after, but the goal behind it.
02/07/04 12PM
god works in mysterious ways. you may not realize it, but i am destined to coach football. i can do nothing else with my life. and as a football coach, i will always be single. i will never, ever get married. but i will achieve greatness, and be happy. and that's all that counts.
02/06/04 9PM
alright, you guys win. i lost. but let them say i went down with a fight.
02/05/04 7PM
i went to the tang center today. prognosis? probably bronchitis, small chance of pneumonia. either way i've only got a few days to live.
02/04/04 9PM
we all fight our inner demons. mine is a little virus called chucky. me and chucky don't get along.
02/04/04 2PM
my life has become a tragic comedy. i'm close to giving up on my goals, and that scares me.
02/02/04 9PM
you gotta look on the bright side of everything ... even though i got a crappy cold, it's given me a much deeper voice. so now i sound all sexy.
02/02/04 2PM
so the advice nurse says its probably a viral illness that's causing the coughing. and that means i'll just have to deal with it for a few weeks. and that just sucks. i can't be sick. valentine's day is coming up ... hey, stop laughing. its possible that i'd do something on valentine's day. oh very mature, rolling on the floor now. har har.
02/01/04 10PM
being sick makes me ponder my mortality (yeah i know i'm overreacting, but stop arguing with a sick man). so i came up with a list of things i'd regret never having done:
never having visited mecca
never having showed the world what greatness i can achieve
never having kissed a girl i loved
01/31/04 11PM
love, not lust. emotional, not physical. i guess i'm just old fashioned.
looks like there will be a revolution in iran. i call president.
this sickness is making delusional. help me.
01/31/04 12PM
i'm sick. on a weekend. its times like these that i wish there was someone to take care of me. instead i have to go to work. yippee.
01/30/04 6PM
i just made a royal flush. hearts was the suit, of course. even in poker i am a hopeless romantic.
01/30/04 11AM
what can i say that hasn't already been said? *smiles*
ok, i just remembered my dream from last night, and i have to say, what the hell? now correct me if i'm wrong, but aren't dreams the place where your fantasies are supposed to come true? well apparently for me, dreams are just an extension of the annoyances of reality. not cool at all.
01/29/04 1PM
overcast and cold, stuck on the spin cycle, trying to find happiness. but she is a fickle mistress.
01/28/04 12PM
be careful what you wish for. sometimes you might just get it.
they're trying to make me work on super bowl sunday. don't they realize its a national holiday?
01/27/04 1PM
rainy days make me idealistic.
past. present. future. some people live in the past, always reminiscing about days gone, wishing they could change the mistakes of old. others live in the future, dreaming of what's to come, always chasing goals they never seem to reach. and there are a lucky few who live in the present, enjoying every minute of life, and taking the good with the bad. so why don't you look around today and smile, knowing that you're happier than you really give yourself credit for.
01/26/04 11PM
i'll post my schedule as soon as it is finalized.
this website has entered a strange new place. i can no longer write everything i want, because too many people are reading it (yeah, i'm talking about you. no, not you. you over there. no no, not you. wait a minute, you're reading this too? uh oh). but then again, i've never been shy about what i say, so we'll see.
01/26/04 12PM
the power went out twice last night. so i spent my night in the hallway, underneath the emergency lights, playing cards with neighbors i'd never met before. life gives you lemons, turn it into lemonade, invite the neighbors, and teach them the finer aspects of poker.
"where are you going?
where do you go?
are you looking for answers to questions under the stars
if along the way, you are growing weary
you can rest with me until a brighter day, and you’re ok
i am no superman
i have no answers for you
i am no hero, oh that’s for sure
but I do know one thing:
where you are, is where i belong
i do know, where you go
is where i wanna be"
01/25/04 12PM
i'm in over my head. i should give up, but i'm stubborn. besides, all i'm looking for is a simple smile. by society's standards, that means little, but to me it means a lot.
01/25/04 1AM
they say patience is a virtue. i'm willing to wait until the end of time, but time doesn't seem to agree with me.
motto for this semester: tick tock.
01/24/04 7PM
i'm juggling ten different "projects" at the same time ... and school doesn't even make the list. but i'm having fun, so all is good.
01/22/04 1PM
"and i listen for the whisper
of your sweet insanity,
while i formulate
denials of your effect on me"
01/22/04 10AM
simple or complicated? does one choose the simple life with its mundane, yet consistent, happiness, or does one go for the complicated life, filled with exhilarating highs and crushing lows? decisions, decisions.
01/20/04 10PM
i just felt two magnitude 3.5 earthquakes today. basically the building that i live in is so crappy i feel any shaking of the ground. hopefully my desk will hold up when the big one hits.
01/20/04 5PM
i've got a ridiculously big grin on the inside. god knows why.
01/19/04 2PM
i want to be wonderfully nervous.
01/18/04 1AM
sitting here on the verge of my final semester, i can guarantee you one thing: i'm swinging for the walls. strikeouts be damned, i'm going for it all. now the yardage of my park may differ from yours, so what i'm aiming for may not be what you're thinking about (i like using confusing analogies instead of straight talk).
i've had a few people tell me that i've lost weight. well rest assured i wont abandon my patented starvation diet until i have rock hard abs.
i'm taking vitamins now. this could be for one of two reasons: either someone told me to take better care of myself and i listened, or my left eye was twitching with a vengeance. you decide.
01/17/04 9PM
i'm just waiting for them to declare me clinically insane, and drag me off kicking and screaming.
01/16/04 2AM
the darkness of the night is comforting as i sit here talking with the stars. and then you walk up, sit by my side, and watch the water fall. after the eternity of life has passed, you whisper into my ear, bittersweet. i smile, get up, and run off the edge, joining the water on its way down.
01/14/04 10PM
one day someone asked me, "why do you like so and so?" i thought about listing all of her good qualities, and all of the varying reasons i had, but then i came upon the simplest of all answers. "she makes me smile."
this is all an elaborate exaggeration.
01/14/04 2AM
macho men don't cry. so if you ever accompany me to a really sad movie, i have allergies.
01/13/04 2PM
someone pointed out to me that all the ads they insert at the top of this page have to do with depression. har har. i should just up and move this page i tell ya.
i have a very addictive personality. my personal motto should be "in moderation".
new year, old music. here are some of the crowd favorites from years past. once again, hats off to rishik for the guitar work:
01/12/04 8PM
learn from the past, dream for the future.
01/09/04 4PM
often times when people read this thing, they think that i am sad and/or depressed. nothing could be farther from truth. i have a very good life, and have rarely been happier. its just that i update this thing at the late (and neurotic) hours of the night -- usually while listening to depressing music, therefore most of the updates can seem dark. but i'm the kind of guy who frowns on the outside while laughing on the inside.
01/08/04 10PM
damn this cursed break. i'm forgetting me, i'm forgetting you, i'm forgetting it all. it's like a bad dream that i just can't wake up from. life is short, and i'm sitting here watching the clock. tick tock, tick tock.
01/07/04 6PM
go watch the movie "donnie darko".
01/07/04 4PM
the homeless guy said i should smile more. the mba guy said i was a splitting image of his brother.
if you don't believe drugs are bad for you, the following conversation i had with a stoned girl should be proof enough:
girl: you know i want you
me: yeah
me: but i doubt that you could have me. it just wouldn't work out logistically.
01/06/04 12AM
stuck in the same place saying the same things to same people. it's time for a change.
01/05/04 4PM
sometimes dreams can hurt:
i was walking in a large hall full of people, when i noticed a girl from my
past. as i walked up to her, she smiled.
me: didn't you leave this world?
girl: well i guess i came back.
me: i'm sorry, but i'm interested in someone else now.
girl: well can i at least get a hug?
as i held her near, she put her head on my shoulder and began to cry.
01/05/04 12AM
i feel anxious ... like the feeling you have before an exam. i can't wait for this break to end, so that i can get to the matters at hand. and yet the funny thing is that in all likelihood, nothing will happen. but there's always hope for change.
so much to say, but no where to say it.
01/03/04 3AM
too many people are reading this thing. i might have to move it to some place else.
have you ever wondered if someone misses you when you miss them? or if they get as happy seeing you as you do seeing them? perhaps i wonder too much.
01/01/04 12AM
new year, new page. appropriately, the year is starting with a rainstorm. resolutions for 2004 (in no particular order):
work out
smile more
overcome my fears
to love and lose
get a motorcycle
get a job that will make me happy
make the most of my relationships